the art of being Home – Light

Should in case you have not read TABH 1 yet, give yourself some medicine a la Proverbs 17:22a MSG (A cheerful disposition is good for your health;) and read it here. Then you have qualified to read this one . . . lol, I joke, I joke. Anyway, this is part 2 of the TABH series and the topic of my debate this morning is light.

If you’re Nigerian or are affiliated with one, you’ll know that in Nigeria ‘light’ is synonymous with & used to describe electricity/electric power supply. And even though we have probably more than enough light from the sun, we definitely do not have enough light from the government. It might even take all the true men of GOD to all at once decree “Let there be light!” for light to be stable in Nigeria. #justsaying

So one of the many slangs, imo, regularly used by all Nigerians, maybe even the posh ones is, “NEPA has brought light.” (For the non-indoctrinated, NEPA is the god of this light!) You’ll also hear the converse: “NEPA has taken light.” The ‘n’ might even be removed out of ‘taken’ to make it rhyme with the first phrase!

NEPA was changed some years back to PHCN but ain’t nobody got time for increasing the number of syllables in such an annoying phenomenon! No, mba, thank you!

phcnepa

So one of the things in my face being Home is obviously the use of petrol-powered generators to have electricity to make up for the absurdly low level of megawatts available to power a country, Nigeria’s size. My years of living in the UK has made me very sound-sensitive. Sometimes my brother is baffled at the things I can hear especially when there are other louder sounds. I swear, it’s either I’m a spy or . . .

Well, being in Nigeria has forced me to push aside my need for absolute quiet to be able to sleep or function. Either the generator noise + the fan noise or I sweat like water is going out fashion!! I have to either wake up really early or stay up late to have my daily devotion. Because in no time after daybreak, I can hear the neighbours shouting, ‘Open the gate!!’; ‘Ah ah, WHERE ARE YOU NA, I’VE BEEN CALLING YOU SINCE?’; ‘SOMU’ADINA!!!!’;  ‘ZINA, OPEN THE DOOR NA’ and all the PG-13 things in between, + really noisy gates. It’s as if the gates are protesting getting locked and opened so many times in one day because you’ll assume that with regular use, it would have less resistance, but no oh, no oh! Nigerian gates don’t obey the law of Physics!! Mschew!

 kid gate Image credits: Swimmingthedepths & Ebay

As a big man (not), we have a whole two generators in my house; one for life and godliness, a.k.a I better pass my neighbour. And the other for the exceedingly abundantly above needs like air conditioner, iron and fridge/freezer! The first one is for lights so that I do not dash my feet, head or hands against any walls or doors; for fans so that when GOD gives HIS beloved = me, sleep, I can receive and enjoy it in full; for charging laptops and phones so I can declare the goodness of the LORD to all and sundry via calls, texts and the internet; for my electric toothbrush so that my smile can shine brighter and brighter till the perfect day; and for the TV which reacts like a really scratched DVD to my generator, like it’s rooting out the artificial electricity which hasn’t been naturally planted, so it’s useless to me!

 gens Image credits: SDE & RV

The second generator, gen for short, has been turned on only twice since I’ve been Home for ironing acts by the brother-man. The first gen is one of those pull-rope-start types. To start it, usually requires manpower, literally. Since there’s just one man at Home now, when he’s out, we have to hire ‘Baba’ – a mai-guard (security guard) a couple of houses down our street or ‘Uche’ – a mobile top up seller up our street or our tenant ‘Chinedu’.

What then happens when neither of these 4 men are around nor within easy reach? Well, that happened last Sunday. I decided to coman’ use woman power to start the gen. See eh, GOD gave men muscles for reasons like this. I pulled the ignition rope; guess what? The gen physically followed me. Na who buy who? I then had to use my left leg to exercise Newton’s 3rd law of motion – enforce the opposite reaction from my pulling action. After multiple tries fuelled by some litres of anger, I managed to start it! Hallelujah! I was very proud of my accomplishments! What a man can do, eh, . . .

 muscle arm Image credit: Zena

Mummy plug-in: my mum really believes NEPA is trying for me now that I’m around, with the oooooffffff-on-oooooooooffff-on supply. I wonder what it would be like if I had the switching guy on speed dial! People will be tapping current from my house!

So anyway, electric power supply is erratic in Nigeria and needs to be born-again!

To all my fellow Nigerians, I dey hail oh . . .

 

P.S.: I run an affordable editing service, if you or someone you know needs one, pls comment below. GOD bless!

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8 thoughts on “the art of being Home – Light

  1. Hahaha!!! We dey catch the hail dear!
    Your mum is right o! NEPA is really trying these days. Nevertheless, there’s still great need for those 2 gens.
    Just don’t pull too much, we don’t want you developing yams on those arms of yours!

    Like

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